Q. I’ve
noticed that my son and daughter-in-law are always yelling out my
three-year-old grandchild’s full name every time he misbehaves. Now, he seems to cringe every time he hears
his name. I am concerned that this is
causing him some real problems. Do you have
any suggestions?
A.
Your concern
is justified. Children react very
strongly when they hear their name spoken or see it in writing. Rightly or wrongly, children tend to identify
themselves with the way their names are used.
When a child’s name is used in connection with misbehavior, the child
begins to believe that he must misbehave in order to get attention. His self-esteem diminishes, and a negative
self-concept is likely to develop.
One of my
primary rules for child guidance is that the child’s name be used only to honor
the child, to acknowledge appropriate behavior and to give positive attention. Children who hear or see their names in relation
to good behavior instinctively develop patterns of good behavior. Likewise, they acquire high self-esteem and a
positive self-image.
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